white fat page, white invisible words, white thoughts

hungry for the infectious ooze of black ink of words that will be pornography for the sadists, escape for thy miserable brethren who find meaning through the glass window dripped of salt rain

maybe a cigarette can help, writers smoke right? drink scotch at bars, lungs, livers for poems, an infectious trade, I’ll talk to the birds that drip their red feathers on mortal ground, I’ll use the red ink that bleeds out of thy ribcage, bone for a pen

no, no, no, I’ll fall in love, burrow into the deepest layers of dangerous sex

they write about that too, I want to write, I do, I want to kill the white, yes, I need words in this page, fuck, it’s all white, all white, all white! no. I don’t want it white, I’ll do drugs, just not cocaine, cocaine is white, I hate white, I need color, red, blue, magenta, rainbow vomit bleeding down the wall, into the lines between the bathroom tiles, sinking down to the sewer pipes, dropping on hairless rodents

I can’t do any of that, I’m scared, absent, dry, absent, dry, scared, an infant mind can’t fill a page with anything but nursery rhymes, I need these pages broken, I need my skin broken, touched by millions of affectionate hands that extend down from the clouds, let black ink rain on my pale torso, let thy body be celebrated, always, far too untouched, white, blank

bum comes up to me, asks if I’m a Christian, no, no, no, none of that sir, I need to write, flee from here, he cries, says he’s scared, no, I’m scared too, if you don’t leave I’ll cry too, white pages moist of fear, I fear the empty, I fear myself, I fear this bum, who screams, we’re both hungry, lost, hungry, lost, scared, praying

I need this book, I need this book to be a movie, I need this movie to be a play, I need this play to be a review, I need this so I won’t die in an apartment flooded with unread words, let thy poems swarm into my casket, my aborted children, never loved, never heard, never touched

the page isn’t so white anymore, yes, yes, I’m out the white abyss, silent hades

But I drop from Earth, falling in Alice’s tunnel, seeing nothing, not the hands, not the ink, just a western god’s red eye staring at me, is he high, is he drugged, am I high, am I drugged, this mind, it spins, spins, spins, never stopping, sailing on a boat on the river of fire, death isn’t scary, being wordless is, fear fills up pages, mind doesn’t pacify, mouth doesn’t pacify, teeth break each other, jaw clams of infinity

I like rambles, I like words, I like knowing, I don’t like this, not all, I want to run, I want a rocket out of here, boom, boom, boom, stars, stars, stars, faces, no faces, stars

 

-Brian

SuedeExpression.wordpress.com

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