You’ll Probably Never Read This

My car seems to always

know when I’m lost

because it starts to overheat

in a panic

while I’m stuck on the side of the road

wishing I knew where I was

so you could come rescue me

from the heat that is now pounding on my back

while cars pass

not noticing the struggle

that has left me unable to transport myself

to where you are

leaving you to think I have abandoned you again

like I always had in the past

but this time it was not out of wanting

but out of fear

of what you would say

if I did arrive at the intended destination

instead of having to wait

on the side of the road

knowing you would never come

to save me

because you were done with me

before I even started the car

knowing I would never reach you

that I never had in the first place

and the whole time I was in pursuit

I was thinking about the ending

instead of the start

because I knew that you didn’t possess the patience

to let me get so lost

and then finally open up

and be who I always was

instead of what you assumed I would be

and I would drive for hours

hoping to find my way back to you

but my car would overheat

leaving me on the side of the road

in hopes you would find me

and still want to say words that were comforting

and not hurtful

but you never had that thought

and I should have been living

to see a forever

and not a sinking ship

and I should have been real

and not dramatic

and we were holding onto expectations

instead of each other

and it would have been great

if only you’d waited

for my demons to die

and my wings to grow out

from the curves in my back

that you held so lovingly

and my body would be yours

because I knew that it would work

and that nothing could ever stop us

from being together

but the time never came

for the pieces to come together

and the fragile strings

that held us close

were ripped to shreds

so even the slightest incident

like a car over heating

would separate us

for the rest of our lives

because I knew you wouldn’t come

and the more I called

the less it affected you

because you knew I’d always want it

all back

but now it’s too late

and it’s the ending

that I always thought about

but never wanted

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