7:23 pm. I lay on my back and waited for him to finish. His sweat dripped on my face while his chest clung to mine in the heat of the moment. This moment needed to end. My eyes stayed glued to the ceiling to keep me from laughing, better yet puking. He wore a constipated look- his eyes squeezed shut and his teeth chattered. For a second I thought his face was going to sink in on itself or swirl into a pattern of colors. What was he feeling that I wasn’t? It was hard to wrap my head around the idea that after four years, some broken glass along with a few trips to Disneyland, I was bored with him and love was no longer a good reason for staying.
The room was dark like it always was whenever he was in the mood. Kids were out in the pool having a night swim. Their voices echoed in my open window as they splashed around. I wished I was having as much fun as they were. Barbeque was on the grill nearby and the smell lingered in my room. I was jealous.
This had already been a stressful day. The two hour drive to pick him up from his mom’s house had emptied my gas tank. The only money that occupied his pockets was a wrinkled dollar bill, which barely bought me a mini burger; a burger with no cheese. In the process of standing in line for that, a tall wide woman cut me in front of me. If there hadn’t been a long line I may not of cared. If there hadn’t been little kids screaming and swarming around everywhere, I may not hadn’t of cared. All these elements were present which I desperately wanted to escape from.
The wide lady, who had a quite dangerous look on her face, looked back at me when I cleared my throat. She had something white smeared on her arm. I remember wondering if it was deodorant. But it couldn’t have been because it was flaky and slightly yellow.
-Yea excuse me, I was in line, I said
-Didn’t look like it, she said. But she didn’t move. I sucked in some air for courage tapped her again.
-What the hell do you want? She raised her voice.
I decided against replying. Her crushing me or breaking my skinny ass would have been a nightmare that I didn’t want to have.
When I exited the burger joint, he was sitting in my car with broken glass on the in the driver’s seat. And, my window was missing. He got out to explain that he had gotten into a “disagreement” with a homeless man, with dreadlocks, who had asked for a cigarette while I was inside the restaurant. The dreaded man got upset when he heard no. So, in return he smashed in my window
-Aww it’s ok. Chasing him down wouldn’t bring the window back. I’ll get it fixed, he said
-You don’t even have 39 cents so that I could get cheese on my burger, so how do you plan to pay for a window, I asked.
-Don’t worry about it. I love you babe.
He kissed me, and swirled his smoke flavored breath in my mouth.
He needed to hurry up finish, quickly. I was eager to get up and cook a nice meal. Baked chicken and green beans. That would be better than a mini burger. He didn’t have enough for a slice of cheese. It was sad, really. I wanted to bake some red velvet cupcakes. My mom had finally given me her secret recipe. She would give me one of her recipes every year for my birthday since I was eighteen. For my twenty first I was blessed with the red velvet. My stomach was in turmoil from teasing myself.
The bed was still in motion, with all the squeak squeaks, but I felt myself fading out into a well needed sleep. Yes, sleep. That is until a heart wrenching squeal erupted in my ear and his body trembled. I opened my eyes and his mouth was near my ear.
-I love you babe, he breathed.
-Yep you too.
I rolled away from him. 7:27 pm. Great. Longer than usual. Excited, I went to make my cupcakes.