Bed Time Story

Okay, so once upon a time, there was this princess. She really wanted a husband because fairy tales are fucked up and sexist like that, and women can’t function without men in them.

So anyway, she met this prince dude, and he was super handsome and rich and had a huge dick, and she liked it so she put a ring on it (his finger, not his dick).

But it turns out all the other women in the kingdom liked his dick, too, and he shared it with most of them when he had the chance (and if they were hot).

So she wanted to divorce him, but in those backwards fairy tale days, that was a huge no-no, punishable by death (but only for the woman, because, seriously, this place is ass-backwards if you couldn’t tell by now).

So the princess planned to run away with her trusty handmaiden, out to her handmaiden’s family farm the next kingdom over.

But she was a princess, and she didn’t understand the real world. She had people to cook for her, change her bed sheets, do her makeup, wipe her ass, take out her chamber pot, etc., so as soon they snuck out of the castle, they were robbed and killed by bandits. And the kingdom was kind of bummed, since nobody likes when a hot girl dies.

And they lived happily ever after (the bandits). The end.

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