I Write Suicide Notes

I write suicide notes in rhyme
Damning cancer for touching you
Damning my inert flesh that
Hasn’t yet teased death

Damning the silence around me
The suffocating hugs, catastrophic
Warmth of pity
Bodies after body
(Never yours)

Damning the religious dogmas
That promise false realities of us
Having a sequel

When I think of you, I see a smile
I see your sun-yellow beanie
Glowing against darkness
Your hands reaching out,
I stumble, never making it
(To you)

There was a war in your body
Made by chance

There is a war in my mind
Made by choice

You directed your last days to live
I waste mine praying death

Death promises a flee from the dreams
Of you telling me not to worry, safety
In your bedroom, ripped off from existence,
I want shelter there, I want shelter
In your voice, to lay
In your bed and watch movie after movie
Never caring for images on the screen but the
White space, the warmth, between us as we
Live a similar experience

I write suicide notes that you’ll never read
That no one as meaningful as you will ever read

I don’t need to write
I don’t need to live
I need to remember
I need to die
I need to die there
(In memories of you)

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