Nightmares and Hallucinations

“We’re all running towards a future
we won’t remember.”

I wrote that after I woke up from
another nightmare, and
lately they’ve been particularly vivid—urban kid
living between complementary visions
of reality.

Wanted to ask you to begin again, because
I can’t accept that I’ve lost 
my best friend in the same breath that I took flight and bent willpower into godly ascent; can’t reconcile my one sin
with the pride and turmoil that exists within
bitter coffee grounds inside gray-matter transcendence.

A good story only needs three things:
1)a view of the city,
2)a bottle of whiskey,
3)and a girl;

a)the view has always been there, I guess,
even before I was there to see it;
b)the whiskey came from the Twin Liquors
on the corner of Riverside and Wickersham;
c)the girl…well, that’s  a little more complicated.

Pulp fiction connotation, and
in an inversion of identity masturbation, I
guess you’re the James Dean in this chiaroscuro
altercation.

Contemplation of the freeze-frame, but you were only there
for a second—hookah smoke lingering around your beautiful
incarnation—and since I saw you last
I’ve had so many surreal hallucinations
that the walls are becoming
permeable
again. 

You’ve always been the goddess in  our 
story, and I’m sorry
it took me so long to see 
that you’ve been the main character
all along.

But if you’ll permit a song of excess, I’ll devote every run-on sentence to you for the rest of my internet-drunk obsessions  if it means I can place my head on your naked chest again, eat from the bread of your lips and drown in our original sin with bittersweet symphonies echoing between my  ears, and I want to cry every time I hear your voice in my head and everything is suddenly about you and all these pop-songs are about you and all these whiskey-highs are about you and all these sleepless nights are about you and all these nightmares are about you and all these hallucinations are about you and all these thoughts of self-harm are about you and all these nicotine-clouds are about you and all these poems are about you and I know I’m supposed to use punctuation to separate these clauses but honestly I’ve lost the willpower to use commas periods italics quotation marks and it’s just going to have to be good enough when the world is so dark and i never meant to be so pathetic but you’re every perspective i never knew i needed and i know i’m supposed to rhyme in these poems but fuck that 

you’re one of the only reasons i still give a fuck
anyways.

I just want you to be proud of me,
that’s all.

Willie Watt
03.01.17

 

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3 thoughts on “Nightmares and Hallucinations

  1. I honestly don’t think I have anything left of my heart after reading your poems.💔 God this was so fucking good. Do you have any other social media accounts I could stalk you on?🙈

    1. Thanks so much for your kind words. It means a lot that you dig my shit.
      I’m on FB. Just search Willie Watt and I’ll be the kid with the Guitar Hero controller. 🙂

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